i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
