i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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