New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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