i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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