with your own penis?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
