Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
