seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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