I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
