Cold hands, warm shart.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We left the knife in your bed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
