It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
