We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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