Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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