I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
