She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
two words...techno handjob
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
