Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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