omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
