yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How's work?
Spinning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
