I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
