So drunk its hurt
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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