its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
