He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
