Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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