Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
