I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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