Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
