Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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