Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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