Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
