True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize