You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
