Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
