where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
