just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
