You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
