I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
