do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize