very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
