i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
