if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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