she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
