I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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