Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
