Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
