I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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