ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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