you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
