I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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