Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
