She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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