woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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