sarcasm needs its own font
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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