Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
