i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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