And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
