fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
