Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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