Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tell her she can't have a vagina
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
