Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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