Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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