We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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