I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
