what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
