Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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