yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
