dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
