I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
